Yes, we groom cats. Here is how that goes.

Every week somebody asks, slightly surprised, whether we do cats. We do. We have done a lot of them. And the reason it works so well is the very reason most cat owners never book a groom in the first place: the car.

Why the car is the problem

Most cats are not scared of being washed. They are scared of the carrier, the car, the smell of a waiting room and the dog barking behind the door. By the time they reach a salon they are already at full stress and the groom has not even started. With the van, the cat goes from your couch to a salon parked outside your gate. Nothing in between.

What is in a cat groom

Three packages, flat prices, no size bands:

• The Healthy Essentials, R300. Wash, conditioner, dry, nail clipping and a fragrance. About 30 minutes.
• The Signature Pamper, R330. The same, plus a hygiene trim around the nether areas. About 40 minutes.
• The Grand Fontein, R360. A speciality cut or a full body cut, wash, conditioner, dry and nails. About 45 minutes.

Two add-ons: de-shedding for R50, which pulls out the dead undercoat that otherwise ends up on your black trousers, and teeth brushing for R35.

Which cats actually need it

Short-haired cats mostly manage on their own, and a wash now and then is a treat rather than a need. Long-haired cats are a different story. Persians, Maine Coons, Ragdolls and the fluffy domestic long hair that adopted you: they mat behind the ears, under the arms and around the back end, and no cat can groom through a mat by itself. Older cats and heavier cats also stop reaching their own backs, and the coat goes greasy and clumpy along the spine. That is when a groom stops being a luxury.

The lion cut question

Yes, a full body cut on a long-haired cat is a real thing, and in a Cape Town summer plenty of cats are happier for it. It grows back. If you are not sure what you want, book the Grand Fontein and tell the groomer in the booking notes.

How to get ready

• Keep the cat indoors from the morning of the groom, so there is no twenty-minute hunt through the neighbour's hedge.
• Have the outside tap and a plug point within reach of where the van parks.
• Tell us in the notes if your cat is a biter or a bolter. It does not change the price. It changes how we hold them.

Book a cat groom. Choose cat when you add your pet and the prices change to match.